40-something Law Student

Bar Exam in 2 Days! I'm Freaking Out!

2011-07-24T17:20:00.000-04:00

I'm officially starting to freak out now. The bar exam is in 2 days. Tomorrow I leave here to make the trip to Tampa, where I'll go on a convention center tour to learn where everything is for the next day. Then a get together with other students from our law school to chill for a bit, and probably talk about how we are all freaking out. After that, I don't know what happens. I'm sure I'll still be looking at flashcards and one page outlines to cram as much rote memorization as I can hold for a short period of time, concentrating on state specific stuff for the next day. But at some point, I have to go to bed and try to sleep. Yeah, right, LOL!

I wonder what the percentage is of bar-takers who actually sleep well the night before the exam? I'm a night-owl anyhow and have done most of my studying late at night because it's quieter. I've gotten to the point where I can stay up and continue studying through the morning. So, basically my schedule is about turned completely upside down from what it should be. Because of that, I'll be scoping out places to take a quick combat nap when we tour the convention center. Our school is providing us with lunch, which is great, because we only have an hour and I won't have to go anywhere. But even more important that food, will be for me to take a quick nap for 20-40 min. to recharge, unless of course, I DO manage to go to sleep the night before the exam.

Just like a good many of my classmates, I feel I haven't written enough, done enough questions, memorized enough law and am totally going to forget what I need to know in that exam room. We've already been told we will feel like we failed the exam. And that is actually a good thing, because if you feel like you did well on it, chances are you failed. We were told about the one guy who was so convinced he failed the bar exam miserably that before he left Tampa, he actually made reservations at the same hotel for the Feb. Bar. Turns out he got one of the highest scores on the Bar Exam. But all I really care is get the passing score, basically a little more than half. I may be feeling the same way and go ahead and make reservations for Feb., just in case. As we know, the hotels really jack up the prices for the Bar Exam.

But seriously, I haven't been this stressed since I can ever remember. Adding to it are other stresses, such as money, and a falling out with a couple of friends. The one friend and I were seemingly getting along fine about 3 days ago and this person helped me calm down when I was having a day where I basically lost it. Then the next day or so, they get annoyed at me because I didn't pay attention to the fact that my overbearing attitude was getting to them. I was messaging them too much and not giving them enough space, so they cut me off from communication and blocked me. They aren't totally avoiding me, but just basically blocking me from sending messages through social networks. Still, it was a huge blow to me right now because of all the stress I'm under. It's a huge pet peeve with me when people don't tell me when I'm doing something wrong before it gets to the point it jeopardizes a friendship. Hello? I'm studying for the bar exam and can't possibly notice or pay attention to everything, and figure out what someone is feeling or thinking. My mind is cram full of stuff already.

I know it's just me, too. I'm feeling overly sensitive to criticism, to feeling left out, to being ignored. But pretty much all our mutual friends confirmed that I was behaving like an ass and was overbearing. My mind is racing constantly and when I fire off questions, I'm expecting quick responses. When I didn't get them, I kept asking the questions. Then I start feeling like I'm being ignored, and I get panicky and really start messaging in all forms. I hate being ignored. I would much rather someone tell me 'nicely' that they were busy and give me an estimated time frame in which they would get back with me. Then I know for sure they got the message, and they aren't ignoring me. I'm not in the dark and I know what's going on. I can understand being busy or having times you don't want to be bothered. Heck, most of the time I don't answer my phone because I don't like to be bothered. That and most of the time people only call me if 1) they are pissed off at me and want to yell or 2) I'm late paying a bill or they need something from me. So I just usually don't answer and figure they can do either one of those on my voice mail and when I'm prepared to deal with it, then I will. This particular friend actually did ring my phone that night, but when I saw who it was, I didn't answer because I was afraid they were calling to yell at me, since they had never called me before, but only send texts. Turns out it was a pocket call anyhow. So, yes, I understand not wanting to be bothered at times.

I try to look at things from another person's point of view to gain the right perspective. Right now, it's hard for me to judge perspective, though, because my emotions are way too close to the surface. Would I have been annoyed or upset by receiving as many messages as I sent this person? The thing is, I don't know. I really don't. It depends on how I was feeling, what I was doing, and whether I was glad to hear from them or not. Generally, for me, when I meet a new friend, I tend to bombard them a good bit, because it is all new and exciting and then it tapers off. I don't know if other people do this or not. But being that I had a falling out with my best friend during my graduation and my other friend I felt comfortable talking to is too busy with their own business to respond to me much anymore, I was like a starving dog being thrown a scrap of meat in the fact that someone showed an interest in me and that I could talk to them. And I guess that freaked them out. I certainly didn't mean to though. Chances are I wouldn't have gone so overboard if I wasn't under a ton of stress now and just trying to reach out to anyone.

We may be able to salvage the friendship, and I hope so. I hope I didn't irreparably damage everything that I had. If I did, I'll be kicking myself & hating myself for a while. I always expect that I will screw up at some point so I just figure that most people will eventually forgive me, because I would forgive them. While it looks like the friendship may be salvaged, they still have yet to unblock me from social networking sites or re-add me as a friend. I checked several times yesterday and have checked several times today. I wish they would unblock me. It really, really bugs me they haven't. I don't know if it's that they don't trust me to not message them constantly that way or what the deal is. I just hate feeling so left out and 'exiled'. Mutual friends are allowed to contact this person, but I'm not. Not that I would necessarily choose to contact him right now, but at least they allow them the possibility. I was hoping beyond all hope that they would unblock me before I go to take the Bar exam since they supposedly know how much stress I'm under regarding this exam. I have a feeling I will be disappointed though.

Most people don't have a clue about the stress of taking the bar exam. I can't explain it to them, or even give them a scenario where they would have the same amount of stress, because frankly, I don't know of one. I seriously think if this person had even the vaguest idea of the stress I'm going through, they would not add even the slightest bit more stress into my life by continuing to block me. When I was blocked it was like a heavy rock shattering my confidence. It is, in effect, the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. I was already wound tight about to break. Now I'm hurt, I'm angry, I'm stressed, and in a way, numb. I don't think any of those is going to be beneficial to me taking the bar exam, although between those, I'll opt for numb. I can't eat. My stomach is a mess of butterflies and knots and burning. My head, neck and shoulders hurt from the tension I have in my body and from reading so much. I'm constipated one moment, have diarrhea the next. My asthma has been flaring up. Every single ache and pain that my body has is being magnified and made more noticeable, whether it rains or not. And I'm shaky. My hands are actually shaking. I've gotten more pimples and acne than normal, and I've been itchy and pretty much scratched a bloody place on my back. It's nerves.

Because of this, I had to start back on anti-depressants so I can try to gain control of my wildly fluctuating mood swings. Mostly I just feel like crying. I've got ulcer medication for my ulcer, but still not finding it easy to eat. I'm taking more asthma medication than normal, and of course am still on my ADHD meds. I need something to calm me down. I do have pills for that but have refrained from taking them, because of the other medications. And I won't be able to trust myself with trying to take a sleeping pill or something to calm me down just to get to sleep for fear I will oversleep. I know exactly what this feels like, though. Anyone who has asthma may relate. This feels like when I've had to go to the E.R. because of an asthma attack and they give you a couple of adrenaline shots. You feel all antsy inside and like you're about to come out of your own skin at times. You're shaky, darty, and basically geared for a major 'fight or flight' response. That's pretty much what I'm feeling right now, and I have a feeling it will only stay with me or get worse until the exam is over.

I wish there was some way to relay how I'm feeling, or have my friend actually feel what I'm feeling right now. I think if that was possible, they would unblock me in a second and actually have words of comfort and encouragement for me before the exam.

I'm trying to stay shielded at the moment. I'm basically in survival mode. My self confidence has already been crushed and the additional stress has been thrown onto me. While it's possible that could be reversed, I know better than to get my hopes up for a miracle. So at the moment, I'm very guarded and cautious, not wanting to allow anyone too close or to get to me too much. I'm going through the motions on automatic pilot for now. I'm trying to keep my feelings at the 'numb' level because screaming at the top of my lungs and pummeling everything in sight with my fists just isn't realistic. But trust me, I'm pent up inside. I cannot allow myself to lose control, though. The only times in my life where I've gotten pushed too far and basically 'exploded', I somewhat 'blacked out', didn't feel pain, and gained some fairly superhuman strength. It would be great if I could control it when it does happen and use it constructively, but with me 'blacking out', there's no way. So I keep a tight rein on everything, especially the beast inside me. Thankfully, it takes a LOT to get me to that point, but because the Bar Exam has already pushed me to that brink, I'm way too close and it wouldn't take much for someone to add to it and then end up being the recipient of a lot of pent up fury.

Normally, I'm fairly easy going. Stuff pisses me off, but I'm generally able to let it roll off without getting to me or holding onto it. The bar exam is different. Especially because it hasn't JUST been the bar exam in my situation. Everything is a struggle. Getting my bar app in was a huge right before the deadline struggle, signing up and paying for a bar review course, the mix up on my hotel room and consequently not having a place to stay until 3 days ago, my mother's estate being in probate STILL, bill collectors calling, trying to juggle bills, being turned down for several bar loans, unable to find anyone to co-sign a bar loan, trying to find time to do things that need to be done around the house, having to pay $60 to get fingerprinted all over again because the ones I did previously were too old, trying to sit still and not dread every single day of bar prep with boring 4 hour lectures that you can't speed up at all, then finally ditching that method of study and going to something else that works better for my style of learning, feeling you didn't study enough or memorize enough, and pushing away friends without meaning to, and being ashamed because I've acted like an ass in front of the friends I do have.

The Bar Exam is just plain evil, I tell you. If you're reading this and you have a family member or a friend preparing to take the Bar, you can help them, or at least not add to their stress level, with a few simple rules:

Don't ask the bar-taker to make any decisions, including what's for dinner. Their brain hurts.
Plan on spending time with other friends, and don't make the bar-taker feel bad about not going somewhere or doing something.
Try to minimize interruptions.
Be supportive. If they just feel like venting, let them. Don't try to solve their problems; Just BE THERE.
Also, don't reassure them that they will be fine and that they will pass. If they don't, they will feel worse because they will feel like they disappointed you.
If they act like an ass or erratically, cut them some slack. Ask if you can help them in any way.
Don't ask them a ton of questions about the Bar Exam or about law, unless they've asked for your help to memorize stuff.
Don't try to engage their attention to learning about something that isn't law/bar exam related. They have a lot to learn as it is.
Don't try to get them to watch TV or movies with you. Most bar-takers will be in a commercial course and most courses require the viewing of several hours of boring videos each day. They will be sick of watching videos for a while. Maybe play a video game, get some exercise, or do something other than sitting and watching something.
If they freak out; if they constantly message you, do or say something offensive, or cause you to freak out, stay calm, cut them some slack and realize they may not be aware that they are acting unreasonably so don't assume they do. They may just want to vent or talk to someone. If you can help in this way, great. If not, then either suggest a time you would be available or let them know that they are causing you angst and you can't help them at the moment, but do this clearly and kindly.
Expect that the bar-taker will take EVERYTHING personally, so understand your actions may be misinterpreted. Try not to think anything personally that the bar-taker says, though. Their mind is jumbled and they again may not realize what they said.
Encourage them and tell them you think they are awesome.
Don't expect your bar-taker to pick up on social cues or take hints. Be upfront with them; they'll appreciate it in the long run.
It is inevitable that the bar-taker may alienate or push away some friends, but try not to be one of them.
Offer to help around the house, by cooking, shopping, running errands.
Don't demand too much of their time or their attention.
Give them something to look forward to after the exam.
Be there to reassure them that they did the best they could when they get out of the exam. Chances are, they will feel devastated and certain they failed.
Help them accept that it's over and not to worry about it until the results come out.
Go have fun and let loose with your bar-taker friend. They need it.

These are basically rules I'd have everyone that had to deal with me studying for the bar exam read beforehand. Unfortunately some of this I've learned the hard way. But maybe someone will get some use out of it. Seriously, though, there hasn't been anything in my life that I've encountered that has come close to the stress I'm feeling from this upcoming exam. I've taken plenty of exams, and always did well under pressure for the most part. This time the pressure has built up to dangerous levels inside me and it's not good. I'm in a constant 'fight or flight' feeling 24/7 right now. I tried physical exercise, I've tried some yoga, and I've tried some meditation. All have given me brief temporary relief, but nothing lasting. I don't know what else to do at this point.

The Day I've Been Dreading, Part I

2010-09-03T01:49:00.002-04:00

Today was one of those Days People Dread. Last week, I knew it would be here much sooner than I'd hoped, but it couldn't have picked a worse time. I'm in my 3rd year of law school & far enough along that if I withdrew, I'd lose my financial assistance & not get a refund on my tuition. I'm depending on my financial aid to live on & pay my bills because I'm not working & my husband was laid off in June. I was late paying my phone bill on top of that, so it was cut off most of yesterday & this morning.

Before noon, I got the ominous, urgent email from my brother to call him right away about our Mom. Naturally, both he & my mother's caretaker tried to call me, but couldn't get me until around noon today. Thanks for your prompt reconnection of my line, AT&T. An hour, my ass.

Well, my mother is back in the hospital now and she's not doing well. It's a matter of time & that time is very short. From what I could gather, they have her on life support pending the arrival of family members because the caretaker is not authorized to make any decisions that we will need to make.

My brother is probably there now as he got on a plane today. I'm stuck here because I have $1.19 to my name until tomorrow when I will be getting my financial aid. Of course, by that time, it may well be too late to see her before she's gone. You can't even imagine how bad I feel right now. I can't be where I should be & I wonder if my Mom has wondered why I'm not there with her.

At least when my Dad passed, I was young enough not to have to worry about how I will get there or the financial implications of his passing or handling many of the administrative matters that I will be dealing with now. I guess no one picks a 'convenient' time to die for the ones left behind. I just realize how strong my mother was to be able to take care of things that had to be done when my Dad passed.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Dealing With Self-Doubt So It Must Be Finals Time Again

2010-05-07T01:24:00.001-04:00

It's been forever since I wrote a post here. That's what Facebook, Twitter, and law school will do to you. Tonight, I felt the need to write more than I have felt in a long, long time. I guess it's because I don't have anyone (well, maybe one or two people) that I feel comfortable talking to about what happened today.

Some of you know me from other blogs I've had, some of you may know me personally, and others of you don't know me at all except for what you read here. So some of you may know this about me: I have ADD or ADHD (whichever one you want to call it). I found out when I was 39 and it helped me make sense of things that happened before. It also helped me to get on a treatment plan and get where I am today. But ADD is a struggle every single day. Forgetting simple things, like where I put the car keys when they are in my hand, or putting the ice cream back in the fridge and the milk in the freezer, are funny when they happen once in a while and because everyone has moments like that, we can laugh at them.

The problem is that I have those moments EVERY SINGLE DAY OF MY LIFE, and after a while, they are not so funny, they are annoying, frustrating, and they waste a lot of my time. My smartphone is annoying to most everyone else because I generally have 2 & 3 reminders for every important task coming up bugging me on my iPhone, my computer at home, and my laptop. I have 3 alarms to wake me up in the morning. Each one means something different.

I try to do the best I can to accommodate my ADD and keep myself on task, which, by the way, I'm not doing well at tonight since I should be studying for my last final exam this semester. But I'm having a very difficult time concentrating and that's why I'm writing a blog post. Sometimes getting things off my chest helps me to concentrate on other things. I have a hard time talking about some things as well, but often can write about these things. It's a form of therapy and fortunately one I can afford as a poor law student.

Now, I never have received any 'accommodations' for my ADD when I was in undergrad, took the LSAT, or since I've been in law school. I probably should have at some point, but I've also read that it can be looked down upon if you receive 'accommodations', especially for ADD because many people still think it's a made-up condition to cover up for bad behavior. That's unfortunate because it isn't a made-up condition, but because there are people out there that think that way, I felt it best to try to make it without accommodations from some student disability office. Heck, I don't even like the title of that office. Yes, I know ADD is considered a disability, but I also think that people tend to focus on people's disabilities and shortcomings a lot more than they focus on what people do well.

I know I've had a lot of people focus on MY disabilities and shortcomings and when you go through life hearing about it so much, you get cynical. It also makes it harder to be able to accept actual constructive advice because you raise your defenses at the slightest hint of someone discussing what you did wrong. My husband and I get into arguments a lot of times because I tend to be hyper-defensive and always rebutting everything. I get tired of hearing what I didn't do or what I should have done and I'll point out everything positive I did do or that I got done to counter-act the criticism. "Yes, I know I didn't get the dishes done or the trash out, but I did remember the trash last time..." You get the idea. I think the reason we do tend to be defensive is that when we do forget things, it's usually never intentional by any means. I just forget, plain and simple. Now, I've been told that the reason I forget is because I don't care or it's not important enough to me. I don't know if that's the case. I know I just forget and often I forget the same things. And I'm sure if those things were infinitely more interesting, I probably would forget them less. But I know I don't forget things, especially house chores, just because I don't care. I DO care, but I have 20 million things on my mind and my mind just isn't going to hold all of those ideas. Some days it can hold more than others and those are the days I do remember to do the dishes, take out the trash, etc. But other days, it comes up short and so I forget.

Anyhow, back to dealing with people criticizing our shortcomings. I know all ADD'ers have difficulty here, and I'm certainly no exception. I did well in school growing up because I had a mother who was very committed to doing her job as a mother 24/7. She made sure I went to bed, got up early, ate breakfast, did my homework, brushed my teeth, etc. She gave me lots of structure. When I didn't have that and went off to college, it was a disaster in the making. But I didn't know at the time that I had ADD. After aimlessly going with the flow and landing here in FL, and then finding out about my ADD, I felt I've had a lot more direction in the flow of my life. But one thing remains: I still have a difficult time not getting defensive or seriously depressed when other people criticize me. It consumes me and eats away at me. I start thinking of all the things I do wrong and then instead of trying to stay positive, I end up focused on everything negative about me.

That's where I am right now and why I can't study. You see, I received an email today from a person that I respect and admire (not that they know that I do, really) and this email said some very unflattering things about me because I had failed to do something when I was supposed to do it. I did finish what I was supposed to do, but not at the time I should have and the email called me out on it. I can't say I disagree with anything that the person said. Even though what they said was true, it still hurt. A lot. I've cried about it for hours today and tonight, unable to put it out of my mind. I know this isn't how I should react to something like this. But I'm emotional because of my mom's health not doing well and possibly facing some difficult decisions a lot sooner than anticipated, it's that time of the month, and it's final exam time in law school. So receiving this email just knocked me to the dirt and has me completely doubting myself in everything I do right now. I begin to wonder if I'll even make a decent lawyer or if I'm just fooling myself. Will I ever be exceptional at anything? How do I keep from disappointing others? Should I just give up now?

I know that lawyers can't be thin-skinned and we have to be able to take the heat at times. Generally this wouldn't affect me this much emotionally. It would affect me in that I would be hurt and I would bend over backwards to make it up to them or rehabilitate myself in their eyes. And I'm still wanting to do that, but this has gotten me really upset emotionally and it's very difficult to think logically when you're emotional (did Spock say that?). I don't know how to handle the emotional part right now and the wave of self-doubt that has washed over me. It's come at a bad time with an exam looming over the horizon in about 8 hours from now. Once I'm done with that exam, then I'm technically 2/3 done with law school. Obviously I am not going to quit now, but with all this self-doubt in my mind, I have to say this is the first time I actually contemplated it.

Right now I'm just basically accepting that I probably won't be able to concentrate and study material for the exam. I did some studying for this exam earlier in the week and that may have to do. All I really feel like doing is curling up with my Pug and 2 cats because they don't judge me, criticize me or point out my shortcomings (unless they can see the bottom of their bowl, of course). There's nothing else I can do because I HAVE to suck it up and take the exam tomorrow no matter what. But I'll see how I feel after finishing this post.

Thankfully I found an iPhone app that enables me to copy/paste text and it reads it to me. That means that now when I have class notes or outlines I want to go over while I spend 3 hours each day in the car, I can do that by listening to it. I'm going to copy/paste my outline for the class that I have the exam in tomorrow and listen to it and maybe that will help some.

So, on that note, I guess I'm off to fix me some hot tea (Earl Grey sounds good) and take some Benadryl as my allergies have gone completely off the wall bonkers today, and some Advil because I'm cramping terribly. Maybe that will help me sleep and maybe tomorrow will be better. Let's hope so.

This is your sad, self-doubting, ADD, 40-something law student signing off for the night...........................................................................................................................

Test Post from iPhone

2010-02-02T19:36:00.000-05:00

Just want to see if this works...

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

In Final Exam Mode Again...

2009-11-25T01:48:00.000-05:00

I know there has been a total lack of posts around here, especially any substantive posts. But hey, I'm in law school so I have very little time to do anything unless it is absolutely essential. Occasionally I post things to my Facebook profile, so those of you who know me can keep up with me better there.

I'm in finals mode again, which means that you can probably look forward to me posting some more law-related LOLCats. I have colleagues who insist on them now. I use them to help remember certain things for the exam. It's easier to remember a cute or funny picture with a caption than without the picture. At least that's what seems to work for me. I'm also involved in BLSA Trial Team and we basically have a month to prepare for the regional competition. The packet is an interesting one and I'm on the defense side. It's a criminal case with a modern twist involving search & seizure of information contained in an iPhone. Ought to be interesting...

Well, back to studying and keep an eye out for Con Law or Evidence LOLCats...

Why We Love Susan Boyle...

2009-04-20T14:31:00.005-04:00

If you haven't heard about Susan Boyle, then you need to watch this video of her performance on the Britain's Got Talent show:

SUSAN BOYLE VIDEO

Susan has inspired many people because of this performance. I like the way the audience and the judges' faces change expression after only a few seconds.

Not only does Susan remind us that we shouldn't judge people based on their looks, but she shows tremendous courage to get up in front of a fairly hostile crowd and do her best no matter what.

But I think she inspires us in another way as well. I'm sure many people have had an experience in life where people expected you to fall on your face or do poorly and instead you surprised them and even amazed them. I've had a few of those in my lifetime. But I haven't had that feeling in quite a while. Those experiences are some of the most wonderful and uplifting times that I can remember. Everyone should experience that feeling at least once. Susan has helped remind me what that feels like.

Torts LOLCats

2009-01-29T02:07:00.046-05:00

Kittehs r prone 2 attraktiv noosances

Battry & Assalt kittehs

Kittehs sumtimes involved in other intenshunal torts

Iz there a doodie & wat iz standurd of kare? Iz it teh reezonable kitteh standurd?

Breech & Lerned Paw (Hand) Risk/Yootilitee Test

Kawzashun (Butt-4 & Proksimut Kawz)

Damages

Deefenses

Miscellaneous Kittehs

Frankie "Puggs" in His Santa Suit

2008-12-24T23:20:00.001-05:00

Contracts by LOLcats...

2008-12-05T02:49:00.000-05:00

The LOLCats Give Law School Final Exam Advice

2008-11-30T23:27:00.012-05:00

Studying for law school final exams makes you crazy...

im in ur casebook, finding hard eksam quesjuns for ur finals...

It’s time to get serious about Criminal Law

Common law murder requires malice aforethought

No mitigating factors if the homicide is premeditated

Remember that a felony + a killing = felony murder

But murder can be downgraded to manslaughter if there is adequate provocation.

Mayhem is a felony that originally consisted of injury permanently impairing the victim’s ability to defend himself--i.e. the cutting off of an arm.

Battery is the unlawful application of force to another

But assault puts the victim in apprehension of a battery

No duty to retreat before using deadly force in self-defense in most jurisdictions.

Can’t use deadly force to defend property

Involuntary intoxication is always a defense while…

Voluntary intoxication is not generally a defense, but it can negate the required Mens rea.

Some crimes don’t need Mens rea. These are strict liability crimes, i.e. statutory rape

Must look at the chain of causation such as “but-for” and proximate cause when deciding whom to charge with a crime

Larceny is as easy as taking candy from a baby, or is that robbery?

Must try to understand the difference between larceny by trick and

Embezzlement.

Might have something to do with fiduciary duties…

Don’t forget about Solicitation and

Conspiracy

And remember Criminal Law Defenses, the most important being…

Insanity! There’s the M’Naughten rule and the irresistible impulse defense.

So while you’re busy studying for your final exam, you will go through some or all of these stages…

Studying makes you tired

You meet with your study group to discuss the law

Then you get busy studying more, blocking out all unnecessary distractions

You get tired of reading, studying, and looking at the law

You mix in a little yoga,

And try to grab some sleep now and then

Maybe the stress even gets to you some…

After a while, the stress begins to show

Try to remember to take breaks

And that others care about you…

On the day of the exam, you know you’ll face the exam with no fear and give it your best shot

The criminal law exam will look something like this with a long fact pattern

You will have to do lots of issue-spotting

And you will be thankful and joyous when the exam is over. Hallelujah!

And maybe even celebrate some. But don’t celebrate TOO much!

REMEMBER…

And a word from our sponsor reminding everykitty to be sure and spay and neuter your hoomans...

Law School Finals Approaching Quickly

2008-11-22T05:17:00.001-05:00

I hope to write a few more posts, but most all of them will have to wait until after final exams. I can tell many of my fellow 1Ls are starting to stress a bit about exams. I know I am. At least next semester we'll have some idea of what to expect. This semester we really don't. Having the grade for the entire class based on a single examination is what is so stressful for law students.

I plan to sleep a lot and maybe even get drunk on the night of my last final. I've been going without sleep way too much. I always sleep best early in the mornings, which is usually when I can't sleep because I have things to do. I'm exhausted right now, even. So on that note, I'm going to sleep now.

Audio Test Post

2008-10-17T14:29:00.000-04:00

Gabcast! Law Student Blog #1 - Test

Bad Law School Day

2008-10-01T01:23:00.000-04:00

I suppose it was bound to happen. I had a bad day at Law School. It started with sleeping through my alarm, which seems to always be a precursor to a bad day. I think it's because I get immediately stressed by being in a rush.

I woke up late, which means I had to rush out the door and then exceed the speed limit (and managing to anger one driver because I was passing on a 2 lane road and had to squeeze in front of him since there was a curve coming up) to try to make it to class on time. You really don't want to be late to class in Law School. Many professors will count you absent just for being late and even if they don't, there are the ones who like to point out for the whole class that you're late. Not that the whole class needed pointing out. I sit on the front row so I had to go by the whole class just to get to my seat. And yes, even with all of my speeding, I was 2 minutes late to class. The instructor did not point it out, thankfully, but I'm sure everyone was already painfully aware.

That's not the worst, though. I have a pet peeve. I hate hearing a cell phone ring in class or a meeting. It's annoying and disrespectful. So I am usually SUPER diligent about making sure mine is off or on silent before I go into class. Naturally since I was in a huge rush this morning, I didn't even think about the cell phone, which was in my purse (not in its special pocket as usual, but somewhere in the middle of the vastness of space that is my purse and probably why I can't find things that are in there). I had just thrown it in, not thinking.

Sometime around 8:30, my phone goes off. I have some silly song for a ringtone (which thankfully wasn't anything awful, but it was LOUD). About this time, I'm wishing I could just crawl in a hole and disappear. The class is giggling and I am fumbling in my purse trying to find it and then when I do, I can't find the button that makes it shut up. The professor is standing right in front of me, like 2-3 feet in front of me, too. It's taking me so long to shut it off that he makes some comment about how you just want to take a hammer and smash the thing. Even though I have an expensive phone (because it's also my PDA), at that moment, I seriously did want to smash it if it would just shut the hell up. No one ever calls me that early anyhow and after I saw the number, I realized it was probably some telemarketer because it was an 800 number and they didn't bother to leave a message. Grrr! I hate telemarketers.

Of course it wasn't the telemarketer's fault. It was MY fault for being in such a rush to begin with. It was so embarrassing, though. I never want that to happen again. I almost feel like I should apologize to the instructor for being a dumbass and not turning my phone off because it did disrupt the class. I realize everyone makes mistakes, but this is one I could have done without.

Then to top it off, I get bad news at the end of the day right before I have to drive home. I had tried out for Trial Team this past Sunday. Of all the groups or things to be a part of at the law school, Trial Team was the one I wanted most. I didn't make the team. I felt like I had done fairly well, so it was a blow. I'm extremely disappointed. I won't get to try out again until the Spring, which I plan on doing again. I've been really bummed out since I found out and after the day I had, it didn't take much. I'm trying not to dwell on it because there isn't anything I can do about it now, except learn what I can do better so I have a better chance of making it in the Spring. Of all the things, I think disappointment is one of the hardest things for me to deal with...

I'll try to post more in the next day or two. I actually have a few posts in draft form but instead of working on editing one of them, I felt I needed the therapy of journaling about this day so I can get it out of my mind and move on to other things. Like reading and sleeping...

That's all for now.

=^. .^=

Philosophy of Liberty

2008-09-18T18:20:00.001-04:00

Two Weeks Into Law School

2008-09-06T22:30:00.002-04:00

It seems all I do is read, brief cases, study, go to class, drive to school, eat, shower and sleep. Welcome to my life.

It's entirely possible I could be spending way too much time studying, or probably more possible that I just haven't found the most efficient use of my time. I did finally break down and buy a few supplements to help put some topics in perspective, especially for Contracts.

Speaking of Contracts, I got called on the other day. I had briefed the case, but it was one that I wasn't as clear on as others I had done. I guess I gave the right information, though. It was the first time I had actually been called on. I have raised my hand to answer a question the professor has asked in class a few times. Usually I wait to see if someone else is going to answer before I volunteer, though. There are quite a few times I actually do know the answer to something, but I don't want to be one of those students who is constantly speaking up in class. I think it annoys people when the same people always talk in class and probably doesn't help with them learning the material.

We have one or two people in our section who have to talk in just about every class and it especially is annoying when they are asking a question that is unrelated to what is being covered in class, they sit in the back, and their last name is somewhat difficult to pronounce. I think one of my professors is already a bit annoyed with this particular student, even.

The whole Socratic method doesn't really bother me, but it seems to bother a few students I've talked to. I think they worry more about being asked an obscure question about a case that they wouldn't know the answer to. Of course, sometimes the whole point is for the professor to ask questions that don't necessarily have any clear answers. If you're looking for clear cut answers to everything, then Law isn't the subject where you will find them. It nearly always depends on something and each set of facts is a little different.

I personally am more concerned about the Florida Bar application than what's going on in class. I started the process already, but have tons of information I have to find out somewhere in order to complete the application. I have to find out all the places I have lived since I was 16. I'm 42 now. I've lived in 4 different states since I was 16. I have trouble remembering things at times. You get the picture? Then I have to find out all the places I've worked for the last 10 years. I've held many, many jobs and quite a few of them, I have no idea who my supervisor was or the address and phone number of the place. I can't even look them up because some are completely out of business.

And the doozy? I have to list all my financial obligations that I've incurred in the last 5 years, how much I've paid them, how much I owe, how delinquent it is, why it got delinquent, and why I haven't taken care of it. Plus I have to fill out another financial form where I list all my monthly household expenses, all my creditors, all my personal expenses, all my assets and income, and my net worth. Then there's any and all traffic violations (even those that were dismissed) in the last 3 years. If I miss anything or forget to list something and they find out, then it will appear to them that I'm trying to hide something, which is the worst thing you can do in the Florida Bar's eyes.

I think I'm going to pay to have a background investigation done on myself to help find out some of this stuff, along with the usual things of pulling all my credit reports, my Social Security earnings and motor vehicle reports. I'm just not sure where to go to get that done yet. I'd rather pay money and hopefully find out everything that's out there that can be found in hopes I don't miss anything.

Meanwhile, this weekend I want to read my assignments for the week and start outlining my classes. Guess this was probably a pretty boring post...

Halfway Through the First Week

2008-08-27T15:05:00.002-04:00

I've been way too busy lately to post much of anything. I will give some general updates since my last post and then talk about my first week so far.

I heard back from FAMU that their waitlist was closed. I didn't pursue it very much after thinking about the accreditation situation. I sincerely hope they do end up getting their full ABA accreditation, but I decided to stick with Barry. I have a decent scholarship and with my Stafford loan, my tuition will be covered. The only thing that I know is going to cost extra is the cost of commuting, but I knew that anyhow. Part of the reason I was interested in FAMU Law was because it is a Black college and I thought it would be interesting to attend there. The other reason was it was much cheaper. I do believe things work out for a reason and so I'm happy with my decision to go to Barry.

So after spending a little over $800 on a bunch of heavy books, and having Orientation pretty much canceled due to Tropical Storm Fay, I can now say I am a law student. I'm glad that all of this is not totally new for me (being a Legal Studies graduate). I feel for those students that it IS all new to. Of course, classes, reading, studying I know will be different, and of course the grade for each course coming down to one final three hour exam (insert Gilligan's Island theme music).

Let's see... my first class was Contracts on Monday. That was the only class I had on Monday. It kinda sucks that I'm having to drive 120 miles roundtrip for one class. I also have one class on Friday, so there's another 120 mile roundtrip for one class. I have two classes on Wednesday; Contracts again and Criminal Law (which is the one class I have on Friday). Tuesday and Thursday are my busy days. I have Civil Procedure first thing, then Legal Research and Writing, and finally around 3:30 in the afternoon, I have Torts.

This driving thing is for the birds. After 2 days of driving, I was already sick of traffic. It doesn't seem to matter what time of day it is for some roads, either. Today I mapped out and found a different way to get to the law school. It involves taking many different roads (versus a fairly straight shot), but it took 30 minutes off my commute simply because I didn't have to sit in traffic and take 30-45 minutes just to go 5 miles. What a waste of gas that is. Another thing is that the person I was going to carpool with backed out. I have no idea why. So now it's going to cost me about $80 a week just in gas. I'm thankful I get decent gas mileage. I have to take all those different roads just to stay off the toll roads. Otherwise I could have added another $5 a day to my commute cost, which would have been another $25 a week. You really have to watch using some of the online directions and maps because they seem to like to put you on the toll roads. I'm wondering if they are in cahoots. Anyhow, if my drive continues to be like this morning, then it won't be as bad.

Since I am commuting and I'm in the section that has three 8:00 a.m. classes, that means I have to leave my house at 6:00 a.m. Yikes. So far this week I am fairly tired. I believe it's a combination of having to get up so early and also that I haven't slept well since school started. It's probably just me being nervous. I can tell my eyes are tired from all the reading I've done. And yes, there is a ton of reading. On the good side, I'm ahead in some of my classes because I wasn't sure how much the professor would cover. Some professors list reading assignments by weeks so it's just a general idea. But every single professor warns against not being prepared to discuss the cases assigned so I've ended up reading further ahead.

Each course seems like it will be interesting in some way. So far, Contracts has been the most arcane to me, but then it wasn't one of the courses I took at UCF. I'm already spending quite a bit of time at the library. I have time between classes on my busy days and I'm on campus for the day, so I might as well study. I have to work on the weekends, but I basically will be getting paid to study (and give out a few parking tickets as well). I think it's just going to take some getting used to having to get up so early and the fact that I have a lot more work to do now. Today I am exceptionally tired. I didn't get to sleep before 2:00 a.m. and I had to be up by 5:00 a.m. At least I'm ahead on most of my stuff for tomorrow so I plan on getting in bed early tonight. If I have time, I may go fly my radio control airplanes some before it gets dark.

I would love to get out and socialize some and get to know some of my classmates, but I am so broke it's not funny. I wanted to meet up with them before Orientation, but couldn't. Next week there's going to be some sort of Bash at the bowling alley. I have to work, though and it's hard to justify driving 120 miles to go bowling. I'm more inclined to do social activities on the days I already have to be in Orlando for class anyhow. I still plan to do some Fantasy Football this season because I really enjoy it. And of course flying RC planes is fun, plus it's something I get to do with hubby (who I'm sure isn't going to want to hear about law when I'm home). I'm also interested in some of the organizations on campus or possibly trying to get on Trial Team, etc. But for right now, I am just trying to get my feet wet and get the hang of all this reading and time management stuff (which is tough enough for us ADD types).

Well, I'm starving and I still have a 60 mile drive home so I'd better get going before it gets to be rush hour. I don't know how often I will post, but I'm hoping to make time to write something at least weekly about how my journey in law school is going or about any other topic that I might want to talk about. I won't promise that I won't get into political ranting because I can get really fired up about some things, but I hope to keep this blog mostly law school related. We shall see...

Test post from mobile phone

2008-07-23T12:28:00.000-04:00

I just took this picture of my two cats with my mobile phone. They just settled down for a nap. Gawd, Mr. Peabody looks so HUGE in this picture! :O

Getting Ready

2008-07-13T18:34:00.002-04:00

Well, I toured the law school I was waitlisted at. I haven't heard anything from them, but have been having second thoughts about going there due to their accreditation issues. It sure would be less expensive than where I was accepted because it's not a private school, but I think I'm going to stick with the private school since they are fully accredited.

I sent my registration back and of course will be taking the standard first year classes: Civil Procedure I, Contracts I, Torts I, Criminal Law, and Legal Research & Writing I. I don't have my schedule yet. They have two sections so I will be in one or the other.

Since I am going to have to commute an hour each way to go to law school, I have also been working on setting up a carpool. I had estimated it was going to cost me around $400-$500 a month just in gas because of the high prices. I found another 1L in my county and I think we'll be carpooling at least. That should cut that amount to about half. But I also found 2 other people that commute daily but they aren't students. They work at the law school. I'm hoping it might work out that all four of us will be able to carpool at least some of the time. That would save all of us a bunch of money.

Also, a friend of mine has a friend who graduated from this particular law school and she still has all her study aids, casebooks, etc. from school. She is letting me have whatever I need. The only thing is that she graduated about 5 years ago so most of what she has probably won't be the latest editions. Sometimes you can get away with using an older edition, but it would be something I would probably check with the professor about. So the casebooks may or may not be something I can use. But she had Emanuel's flashcards for just about every subject. They have newer editions out for those as well, but what she gave me should be fine as far as for study purposes. There are also BarBri books included with what she gave me. I'm sure those might be helpful when it comes time to study for the Bar Exam. She was going to give all this stuff to Goodwill, but is happy that someone can use it. Hopefully I will be able to use some of it.

Anyhow, I guess that's all the news I have for now. I have about a month before orientation starts so I suppose I should try to enjoy all the free time I have now.

Workin' On the Waitlist

2008-06-09T12:13:00.002-04:00

After reading a few articles on how to deal with being waitlisted, I decided to be a bit proactive and do a couple of things to hopefully keep my name fresh in their minds.

First of all, I made an appointment to tour the law school. I had hoped to do it today, but they didn't have time, so it's set up for Thursday afternoon at 2:00 p.m.

Also, I sent an email to the admissions department asking a few questions about the waitlist like how long it is, or how many people eventually get admitted, etc. I also enclosed a copy of my Final Grades because the transcript they had didn't reflect those grades yet. So my overall GPA is a bit higher than what the law school has for me.

I'm hoping that doing these things will help me get off the waitlist and accepted there. Meanwhile, I've paid half of my seat deposit at the other school where I was accepted and I will be getting a registration packet in the mail and will have to pay the remainder of my seat deposit by July 1, 2008. It sure would be nice to find out about the waitlist before I have to send in the balance of my seat deposit. I guess we'll see...

Waiting...

2008-06-07T08:54:00.002-04:00

I figured I should post something even though I haven't actually started law school. Actually, I'm not totally sure exactly where I will be going.

I applied to two schools because those two are closest to me and I will have to drive back and forth. That's one of the problems with owning a house. I can't just pick up and move. I had originally planned to apply to three schools, the two in Orlando, and one in Jacksonville. But with gas prices going up so much, there's no way I could afford to drive to Jacksonville and back. So, it's between Barry and FAMU.

I've been accepted to Barry with a $15,000 yearly scholarship. Their yearly tuition is around $30,000, so the scholarship will pay about half of it. The rest will have to be student loans. I just heard back from FAMU and I've been waitlisted there. I think it's probably because I applied later than most people. I was waiting on letters of recommendation and that is what held me up. I'm sending them another letter of recommendation and plan on sending an updated transcript since my overall GPA went up some from the transcript that LSAC has. Also, I will go visit the school and probably call them about once a week.

Yearly tuition is about $8,000 at FAMU. Big difference from Barry, even with the scholarship. The only thing that concerns me is the accreditation situation at FAMU. The report came out recently that they have some issues and a long way to go to attain full accreditation by next June. They are provisionally accredited right now and that means that anyone graduating from a provisionally accredited law school has the same rights as someone graduating from a fully accredited law school. What worries me is if they lose their provisional accredited status next June and don't become fully accredited or the provisional accreditation extended, then I'm not sure exactly how that will affect currently enrolled students. I'm thinking I will have to talk to someone at the ABA to know for sure.

And of course being waitlisted means I get to wait. How long I have to wait to find out if there's a spot for me, I don't know. Obviously I'm not going to depend on that happening and that's why I went ahead and paid a seat deposit at Barry. Going to Barry means I will graduate with about $100,000 in student loan debt from my undergraduate and law school years. Ouch. Hopefully, I will be able to get a halfway decent paying job when I graduate so I can make those payments. I'm sure it will be a hell of a lot more money than I've ever made or even hubby and I have made together. We is poor & haven't ever made even the median income in our area. There's such a wide difference between the upper pay scale (business owners, developers, professionals, etc.) and anyone else (which make peanuts). I'm not sure if that's the case everywhere in the country, but it certainly is here. A $15/hour job here is a gold mine if you're not one of the people in the upper pay scale. Most people don't make even that much.

I can't even imagine what it would be like to actually have money in the bank and be able to pay bills when they are due instead of juggling from paycheck to paycheck. The very first thing I really want when I am making enough to at least pay the bills is an emergency fund. I don't want to get in debt anymore than I already will be (student loans, car, house, etc.) and with the economy being so uncertain now, having that emergency savings will make me feel much better. There's nothing worse than having something break when you have no money to fix it, or someone loses a job and you wonder how you're going to pay the bills until they find another job.

I just wish I knew how long I am going to have to wait on the waitlist...

test post

2008-05-28T23:09:00.001-04:00

This is a test post