On another note, God, the universe, the pastor, Joyce Meyer have all indicated to me that I need to start adopting healthier habits. I’m trying to get my full night of sleep. Been doing good on that. Trying to get back to only water at night. Then I need to start walking or exercising. I figure I can start with walking, first by myself, then see if I can get Thor to behave on a walk so I can start walking with him. Thor is my German Shepherd. I’d like to get back to a gym or at least get a rowing machine. Problem with a rowing machine or any sort of equipment is space. I don’t have a lot of space to put one and I really need to redo and declutter my bedroom to suit everything it’s used for. It’s my home office in one corner and the other side has a huge dog crate and Litter Robot along that wall. The dog crate blocks a closet I haven’t looked at in 2 years. That means it really needs to be gone through and then used to store things I don’t use often. Which would solve my lack of closet space for things I do wear… which would help declutter the bathroom and the top of the dog crate. Behind my bed is a 55 gallon fish tank that is nearly empty of water. Fish died, I didn’t replace them. My husband was the one that knew about fish tanks. I just want to get rid of it because as much I love fish and we had some for years, salt and fresh; it’s one more thing for me to have to take care of, and I have enough animals to take care of right now. Plus it should give me more room to push the bed back once it’s gone, although I’d like a headboard, preferably one I can put books in. And if I’m having to move the bed, which is HEAVY because it’s a Purple mattress, then whatever is under the bed need to be gone through. There’s probably enough cat hair under there to make another cat. So where was I? Oh exercise. Yes I’m well aware that actually DOING all that prep work to declutter my bedroom and bathroom to see if I can fit an exercise machine in here and have a place to fold it up; is in itself exercise, especially moving the bed, dragging the fish tank and cabinet out, etc. But the main thing is that there will be so much pet hair, dust and dander stirred up when this is started. And it’s not something I can really do one part one time and another part another time. It really needs to be done at once and cleaned well while doing it and before putting things back. So it is a MAJOR undertaking that is near impossible to break up in more manageable steps, and on top of that, I can look forward to sneezing, water eyes and asthma issues from stirring up all the dust etc.for days after. So yeah maybe just forget the rowing machine for now and just start back to a gym. However for now I just want to walk because I’m trying to do something simple to start and try to build a habit. Turns out the two ladies I met with tonight both walk everyday. Ok well I’m gonna try to find something to watch.
Tuesday, November 1, 2022
2 posts in one year?
I do miss blogging so may be posting more. This is a second post in the same year which is good considering it was years between posts before. But now I have a lot of alone time unfortunately so maybe this is a good outlet. It was recommended in my griefshare class but I was so numb and in shock that journaling would have felt forced and would have been one more added thing on my plate, which I didn’t need then. I’m still catching myself to go show hubby a funny video or picture and then realize he’s not here. I was always one that enjoyed quiet (because my late husband was NOT a quiet person), but after he passed I finally figured out why my mother used to keep the TV on when she wasn’t watching it. I didn’t get to ask her how she coped being a widow because she’s passed on as well. But now I get it. I still like my quiet but I also have the TV or music on more than I used to. I had Bible study tonight in person. Only 3 of us ladies showed up but all 3 of us are widows. It’s like we get each other. I now get why my mother spent time with select lady friends (all widows) when my Dad passed. They understood each other because you’ve all been through it.
Wednesday, July 27, 2022
I’m Still Alive
A lot has happened since my last post. I lost my husband 2 years ago, there’s been a pandemic, and a lot of upheaval in the world. I’ve kept this blog around in case I felt like journaling again. I may from time to time, who knows? Since my husband’s untimely death (and why I have PTSD) I have found myself wanting to get closer to God and to make new friends, as many of the friends that were there in support when he passed are nowhere to be found anymore. I’ve drifted apart from others and recently made a new friend. And while I do get out occasionally to church and I go see family in other states; I’m well aware we are still in a pandemic and I am still high risk, therefore I am not able to socialize at any sort of pre-pandemic level. Let me just tell you that grieving is hard but grieving during a pandemic is much harder. Plus right now it does feel like the whole world is grieving. Everyone seems to have lost someone in the last 2 years, some to Covid, some to heart disease, cancer, etc. What the world needs is more kindness and love and less division and hatred. I’m going to pray for that. That’s all for now.
Friday, August 25, 2017
Yay, a post!
It's been forever since I posted here. I want to try posting more often, I think. I have to be so careful on social media what I post, so I often don't get to really speak my mind. That will be for another time.
It's late, and I should be sleeping. I have a ton to do tomorrow and next week I have back to back trials and another mediation, so this will be a working weekend for me. I also have too many high maintenance clients right now. It comes with the territory of divorce and child custody, but it can get super annoying when I'm in trial mode and it's not their case.
Oh, and I finally got a kitten. Adopted her from the shelter and she has had a respiratory infection since I've had her. The vet gave her antibiotics but she is still so sniffly and sneezy. I sure hope she feels better soon. Poor kitty...
Ok enough for now. Not sure anybody even knows this blog is still around since I haven't posted in so long. If you do happen by, drop me a comment.
Saturday, May 25, 2013
Change of Plans
Well, I was going to move to a new blog titled Legally Challenged, but due to some recent events I have decided to just update this blog. The few posts I made to the other blog will be moved here soon. I'm not sure if I will keep the other blog to post different content other than my private thoughts, like I do here, or just delete it.
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Passed Florida Bar Exam on Second Try
I never updated here regarding the Bar Exam, probably because I failed it the first time. I failed both portions but the MBE portion was the worst.
When I studied for the second time I concentrated almost solely on MBE especially the subjects I scored the lowest on. It paid off. I passed the MBE with flying colors but still failed Florida. Since my average of the two was high enough, I passed the exam!
Anyone who wants to comment and ask me personally my study methods on MBE, I'm willing to share.
Anyhow I'm still waiting on clearing C&F so I started a new blog since I'm technically not a student anymore. The new blog is titled Legally Challenged and can be accessed via my profile so join me there.
When I studied for the second time I concentrated almost solely on MBE especially the subjects I scored the lowest on. It paid off. I passed the MBE with flying colors but still failed Florida. Since my average of the two was high enough, I passed the exam!
Anyone who wants to comment and ask me personally my study methods on MBE, I'm willing to share.
Anyhow I'm still waiting on clearing C&F so I started a new blog since I'm technically not a student anymore. The new blog is titled Legally Challenged and can be accessed via my profile so join me there.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Bar Exam in 2 Days! I'm Freaking Out!
I'm officially starting to freak out now. The bar exam is in 2 days. Tomorrow I leave here to make the trip to Tampa, where I'll go on a convention center tour to learn where everything is for the next day. Then a get together with other students from our law school to chill for a bit, and probably talk about how we are all freaking out. After that, I don't know what happens. I'm sure I'll still be looking at flashcards and one page outlines to cram as much rote memorization as I can hold for a short period of time, concentrating on state specific stuff for the next day. But at some point, I have to go to bed and try to sleep. Yeah, right, LOL!
I wonder what the percentage is of bar-takers who actually sleep well the night before the exam? I'm a night-owl anyhow and have done most of my studying late at night because it's quieter. I've gotten to the point where I can stay up and continue studying through the morning. So, basically my schedule is about turned completely upside down from what it should be. Because of that, I'll be scoping out places to take a quick combat nap when we tour the convention center. Our school is providing us with lunch, which is great, because we only have an hour and I won't have to go anywhere. But even more important that food, will be for me to take a quick nap for 20-40 min. to recharge, unless of course, I DO manage to go to sleep the night before the exam.
Just like a good many of my classmates, I feel I haven't written enough, done enough questions, memorized enough law and am totally going to forget what I need to know in that exam room. We've already been told we will feel like we failed the exam. And that is actually a good thing, because if you feel like you did well on it, chances are you failed. We were told about the one guy who was so convinced he failed the bar exam miserably that before he left Tampa, he actually made reservations at the same hotel for the Feb. Bar. Turns out he got one of the highest scores on the Bar Exam. But all I really care is get the passing score, basically a little more than half. I may be feeling the same way and go ahead and make reservations for Feb., just in case. As we know, the hotels really jack up the prices for the Bar Exam.
But seriously, I haven't been this stressed since I can ever remember. Adding to it are other stresses, such as money, and a falling out with a couple of friends. The one friend and I were seemingly getting along fine about 3 days ago and this person helped me calm down when I was having a day where I basically lost it. Then the next day or so, they get annoyed at me because I didn't pay attention to the fact that my overbearing attitude was getting to them. I was messaging them too much and not giving them enough space, so they cut me off from communication and blocked me. They aren't totally avoiding me, but just basically blocking me from sending messages through social networks. Still, it was a huge blow to me right now because of all the stress I'm under. It's a huge pet peeve with me when people don't tell me when I'm doing something wrong before it gets to the point it jeopardizes a friendship. Hello? I'm studying for the bar exam and can't possibly notice or pay attention to everything, and figure out what someone is feeling or thinking. My mind is cram full of stuff already.
I know it's just me, too. I'm feeling overly sensitive to criticism, to feeling left out, to being ignored. But pretty much all our mutual friends confirmed that I was behaving like an ass and was overbearing. My mind is racing constantly and when I fire off questions, I'm expecting quick responses. When I didn't get them, I kept asking the questions. Then I start feeling like I'm being ignored, and I get panicky and really start messaging in all forms. I hate being ignored. I would much rather someone tell me 'nicely' that they were busy and give me an estimated time frame in which they would get back with me. Then I know for sure they got the message, and they aren't ignoring me. I'm not in the dark and I know what's going on. I can understand being busy or having times you don't want to be bothered. Heck, most of the time I don't answer my phone because I don't like to be bothered. That and most of the time people only call me if 1) they are pissed off at me and want to yell or 2) I'm late paying a bill or they need something from me. So I just usually don't answer and figure they can do either one of those on my voice mail and when I'm prepared to deal with it, then I will. This particular friend actually did ring my phone that night, but when I saw who it was, I didn't answer because I was afraid they were calling to yell at me, since they had never called me before, but only send texts. Turns out it was a pocket call anyhow. So, yes, I understand not wanting to be bothered at times.
I try to look at things from another person's point of view to gain the right perspective. Right now, it's hard for me to judge perspective, though, because my emotions are way too close to the surface. Would I have been annoyed or upset by receiving as many messages as I sent this person? The thing is, I don't know. I really don't. It depends on how I was feeling, what I was doing, and whether I was glad to hear from them or not. Generally, for me, when I meet a new friend, I tend to bombard them a good bit, because it is all new and exciting and then it tapers off. I don't know if other people do this or not. But being that I had a falling out with my best friend during my graduation and my other friend I felt comfortable talking to is too busy with their own business to respond to me much anymore, I was like a starving dog being thrown a scrap of meat in the fact that someone showed an interest in me and that I could talk to them. And I guess that freaked them out. I certainly didn't mean to though. Chances are I wouldn't have gone so overboard if I wasn't under a ton of stress now and just trying to reach out to anyone.
We may be able to salvage the friendship, and I hope so. I hope I didn't irreparably damage everything that I had. If I did, I'll be kicking myself & hating myself for a while. I always expect that I will screw up at some point so I just figure that most people will eventually forgive me, because I would forgive them. While it looks like the friendship may be salvaged, they still have yet to unblock me from social networking sites or re-add me as a friend. I checked several times yesterday and have checked several times today. I wish they would unblock me. It really, really bugs me they haven't. I don't know if it's that they don't trust me to not message them constantly that way or what the deal is. I just hate feeling so left out and 'exiled'. Mutual friends are allowed to contact this person, but I'm not. Not that I would necessarily choose to contact him right now, but at least they allow them the possibility. I was hoping beyond all hope that they would unblock me before I go to take the Bar exam since they supposedly know how much stress I'm under regarding this exam. I have a feeling I will be disappointed though.
Most people don't have a clue about the stress of taking the bar exam. I can't explain it to them, or even give them a scenario where they would have the same amount of stress, because frankly, I don't know of one. I seriously think if this person had even the vaguest idea of the stress I'm going through, they would not add even the slightest bit more stress into my life by continuing to block me. When I was blocked it was like a heavy rock shattering my confidence. It is, in effect, the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. I was already wound tight about to break. Now I'm hurt, I'm angry, I'm stressed, and in a way, numb. I don't think any of those is going to be beneficial to me taking the bar exam, although between those, I'll opt for numb. I can't eat. My stomach is a mess of butterflies and knots and burning. My head, neck and shoulders hurt from the tension I have in my body and from reading so much. I'm constipated one moment, have diarrhea the next. My asthma has been flaring up. Every single ache and pain that my body has is being magnified and made more noticeable, whether it rains or not. And I'm shaky. My hands are actually shaking. I've gotten more pimples and acne than normal, and I've been itchy and pretty much scratched a bloody place on my back. It's nerves.
Because of this, I had to start back on anti-depressants so I can try to gain control of my wildly fluctuating mood swings. Mostly I just feel like crying. I've got ulcer medication for my ulcer, but still not finding it easy to eat. I'm taking more asthma medication than normal, and of course am still on my ADHD meds. I need something to calm me down. I do have pills for that but have refrained from taking them, because of the other medications. And I won't be able to trust myself with trying to take a sleeping pill or something to calm me down just to get to sleep for fear I will oversleep. I know exactly what this feels like, though. Anyone who has asthma may relate. This feels like when I've had to go to the E.R. because of an asthma attack and they give you a couple of adrenaline shots. You feel all antsy inside and like you're about to come out of your own skin at times. You're shaky, darty, and basically geared for a major 'fight or flight' response. That's pretty much what I'm feeling right now, and I have a feeling it will only stay with me or get worse until the exam is over.
I wish there was some way to relay how I'm feeling, or have my friend actually feel what I'm feeling right now. I think if that was possible, they would unblock me in a second and actually have words of comfort and encouragement for me before the exam.
I'm trying to stay shielded at the moment. I'm basically in survival mode. My self confidence has already been crushed and the additional stress has been thrown onto me. While it's possible that could be reversed, I know better than to get my hopes up for a miracle. So at the moment, I'm very guarded and cautious, not wanting to allow anyone too close or to get to me too much. I'm going through the motions on automatic pilot for now. I'm trying to keep my feelings at the 'numb' level because screaming at the top of my lungs and pummeling everything in sight with my fists just isn't realistic. But trust me, I'm pent up inside. I cannot allow myself to lose control, though. The only times in my life where I've gotten pushed too far and basically 'exploded', I somewhat 'blacked out', didn't feel pain, and gained some fairly superhuman strength. It would be great if I could control it when it does happen and use it constructively, but with me 'blacking out', there's no way. So I keep a tight rein on everything, especially the beast inside me. Thankfully, it takes a LOT to get me to that point, but because the Bar Exam has already pushed me to that brink, I'm way too close and it wouldn't take much for someone to add to it and then end up being the recipient of a lot of pent up fury.
Normally, I'm fairly easy going. Stuff pisses me off, but I'm generally able to let it roll off without getting to me or holding onto it. The bar exam is different. Especially because it hasn't JUST been the bar exam in my situation. Everything is a struggle. Getting my bar app in was a huge right before the deadline struggle, signing up and paying for a bar review course, the mix up on my hotel room and consequently not having a place to stay until 3 days ago, my mother's estate being in probate STILL, bill collectors calling, trying to juggle bills, being turned down for several bar loans, unable to find anyone to co-sign a bar loan, trying to find time to do things that need to be done around the house, having to pay $60 to get fingerprinted all over again because the ones I did previously were too old, trying to sit still and not dread every single day of bar prep with boring 4 hour lectures that you can't speed up at all, then finally ditching that method of study and going to something else that works better for my style of learning, feeling you didn't study enough or memorize enough, and pushing away friends without meaning to, and being ashamed because I've acted like an ass in front of the friends I do have.
The Bar Exam is just plain evil, I tell you. If you're reading this and you have a family member or a friend preparing to take the Bar, you can help them, or at least not add to their stress level, with a few simple rules:
I wonder what the percentage is of bar-takers who actually sleep well the night before the exam? I'm a night-owl anyhow and have done most of my studying late at night because it's quieter. I've gotten to the point where I can stay up and continue studying through the morning. So, basically my schedule is about turned completely upside down from what it should be. Because of that, I'll be scoping out places to take a quick combat nap when we tour the convention center. Our school is providing us with lunch, which is great, because we only have an hour and I won't have to go anywhere. But even more important that food, will be for me to take a quick nap for 20-40 min. to recharge, unless of course, I DO manage to go to sleep the night before the exam.
Just like a good many of my classmates, I feel I haven't written enough, done enough questions, memorized enough law and am totally going to forget what I need to know in that exam room. We've already been told we will feel like we failed the exam. And that is actually a good thing, because if you feel like you did well on it, chances are you failed. We were told about the one guy who was so convinced he failed the bar exam miserably that before he left Tampa, he actually made reservations at the same hotel for the Feb. Bar. Turns out he got one of the highest scores on the Bar Exam. But all I really care is get the passing score, basically a little more than half. I may be feeling the same way and go ahead and make reservations for Feb., just in case. As we know, the hotels really jack up the prices for the Bar Exam.
But seriously, I haven't been this stressed since I can ever remember. Adding to it are other stresses, such as money, and a falling out with a couple of friends. The one friend and I were seemingly getting along fine about 3 days ago and this person helped me calm down when I was having a day where I basically lost it. Then the next day or so, they get annoyed at me because I didn't pay attention to the fact that my overbearing attitude was getting to them. I was messaging them too much and not giving them enough space, so they cut me off from communication and blocked me. They aren't totally avoiding me, but just basically blocking me from sending messages through social networks. Still, it was a huge blow to me right now because of all the stress I'm under. It's a huge pet peeve with me when people don't tell me when I'm doing something wrong before it gets to the point it jeopardizes a friendship. Hello? I'm studying for the bar exam and can't possibly notice or pay attention to everything, and figure out what someone is feeling or thinking. My mind is cram full of stuff already.
I know it's just me, too. I'm feeling overly sensitive to criticism, to feeling left out, to being ignored. But pretty much all our mutual friends confirmed that I was behaving like an ass and was overbearing. My mind is racing constantly and when I fire off questions, I'm expecting quick responses. When I didn't get them, I kept asking the questions. Then I start feeling like I'm being ignored, and I get panicky and really start messaging in all forms. I hate being ignored. I would much rather someone tell me 'nicely' that they were busy and give me an estimated time frame in which they would get back with me. Then I know for sure they got the message, and they aren't ignoring me. I'm not in the dark and I know what's going on. I can understand being busy or having times you don't want to be bothered. Heck, most of the time I don't answer my phone because I don't like to be bothered. That and most of the time people only call me if 1) they are pissed off at me and want to yell or 2) I'm late paying a bill or they need something from me. So I just usually don't answer and figure they can do either one of those on my voice mail and when I'm prepared to deal with it, then I will. This particular friend actually did ring my phone that night, but when I saw who it was, I didn't answer because I was afraid they were calling to yell at me, since they had never called me before, but only send texts. Turns out it was a pocket call anyhow. So, yes, I understand not wanting to be bothered at times.
I try to look at things from another person's point of view to gain the right perspective. Right now, it's hard for me to judge perspective, though, because my emotions are way too close to the surface. Would I have been annoyed or upset by receiving as many messages as I sent this person? The thing is, I don't know. I really don't. It depends on how I was feeling, what I was doing, and whether I was glad to hear from them or not. Generally, for me, when I meet a new friend, I tend to bombard them a good bit, because it is all new and exciting and then it tapers off. I don't know if other people do this or not. But being that I had a falling out with my best friend during my graduation and my other friend I felt comfortable talking to is too busy with their own business to respond to me much anymore, I was like a starving dog being thrown a scrap of meat in the fact that someone showed an interest in me and that I could talk to them. And I guess that freaked them out. I certainly didn't mean to though. Chances are I wouldn't have gone so overboard if I wasn't under a ton of stress now and just trying to reach out to anyone.
We may be able to salvage the friendship, and I hope so. I hope I didn't irreparably damage everything that I had. If I did, I'll be kicking myself & hating myself for a while. I always expect that I will screw up at some point so I just figure that most people will eventually forgive me, because I would forgive them. While it looks like the friendship may be salvaged, they still have yet to unblock me from social networking sites or re-add me as a friend. I checked several times yesterday and have checked several times today. I wish they would unblock me. It really, really bugs me they haven't. I don't know if it's that they don't trust me to not message them constantly that way or what the deal is. I just hate feeling so left out and 'exiled'. Mutual friends are allowed to contact this person, but I'm not. Not that I would necessarily choose to contact him right now, but at least they allow them the possibility. I was hoping beyond all hope that they would unblock me before I go to take the Bar exam since they supposedly know how much stress I'm under regarding this exam. I have a feeling I will be disappointed though.
Most people don't have a clue about the stress of taking the bar exam. I can't explain it to them, or even give them a scenario where they would have the same amount of stress, because frankly, I don't know of one. I seriously think if this person had even the vaguest idea of the stress I'm going through, they would not add even the slightest bit more stress into my life by continuing to block me. When I was blocked it was like a heavy rock shattering my confidence. It is, in effect, the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. I was already wound tight about to break. Now I'm hurt, I'm angry, I'm stressed, and in a way, numb. I don't think any of those is going to be beneficial to me taking the bar exam, although between those, I'll opt for numb. I can't eat. My stomach is a mess of butterflies and knots and burning. My head, neck and shoulders hurt from the tension I have in my body and from reading so much. I'm constipated one moment, have diarrhea the next. My asthma has been flaring up. Every single ache and pain that my body has is being magnified and made more noticeable, whether it rains or not. And I'm shaky. My hands are actually shaking. I've gotten more pimples and acne than normal, and I've been itchy and pretty much scratched a bloody place on my back. It's nerves.
Because of this, I had to start back on anti-depressants so I can try to gain control of my wildly fluctuating mood swings. Mostly I just feel like crying. I've got ulcer medication for my ulcer, but still not finding it easy to eat. I'm taking more asthma medication than normal, and of course am still on my ADHD meds. I need something to calm me down. I do have pills for that but have refrained from taking them, because of the other medications. And I won't be able to trust myself with trying to take a sleeping pill or something to calm me down just to get to sleep for fear I will oversleep. I know exactly what this feels like, though. Anyone who has asthma may relate. This feels like when I've had to go to the E.R. because of an asthma attack and they give you a couple of adrenaline shots. You feel all antsy inside and like you're about to come out of your own skin at times. You're shaky, darty, and basically geared for a major 'fight or flight' response. That's pretty much what I'm feeling right now, and I have a feeling it will only stay with me or get worse until the exam is over.
I wish there was some way to relay how I'm feeling, or have my friend actually feel what I'm feeling right now. I think if that was possible, they would unblock me in a second and actually have words of comfort and encouragement for me before the exam.
I'm trying to stay shielded at the moment. I'm basically in survival mode. My self confidence has already been crushed and the additional stress has been thrown onto me. While it's possible that could be reversed, I know better than to get my hopes up for a miracle. So at the moment, I'm very guarded and cautious, not wanting to allow anyone too close or to get to me too much. I'm going through the motions on automatic pilot for now. I'm trying to keep my feelings at the 'numb' level because screaming at the top of my lungs and pummeling everything in sight with my fists just isn't realistic. But trust me, I'm pent up inside. I cannot allow myself to lose control, though. The only times in my life where I've gotten pushed too far and basically 'exploded', I somewhat 'blacked out', didn't feel pain, and gained some fairly superhuman strength. It would be great if I could control it when it does happen and use it constructively, but with me 'blacking out', there's no way. So I keep a tight rein on everything, especially the beast inside me. Thankfully, it takes a LOT to get me to that point, but because the Bar Exam has already pushed me to that brink, I'm way too close and it wouldn't take much for someone to add to it and then end up being the recipient of a lot of pent up fury.
Normally, I'm fairly easy going. Stuff pisses me off, but I'm generally able to let it roll off without getting to me or holding onto it. The bar exam is different. Especially because it hasn't JUST been the bar exam in my situation. Everything is a struggle. Getting my bar app in was a huge right before the deadline struggle, signing up and paying for a bar review course, the mix up on my hotel room and consequently not having a place to stay until 3 days ago, my mother's estate being in probate STILL, bill collectors calling, trying to juggle bills, being turned down for several bar loans, unable to find anyone to co-sign a bar loan, trying to find time to do things that need to be done around the house, having to pay $60 to get fingerprinted all over again because the ones I did previously were too old, trying to sit still and not dread every single day of bar prep with boring 4 hour lectures that you can't speed up at all, then finally ditching that method of study and going to something else that works better for my style of learning, feeling you didn't study enough or memorize enough, and pushing away friends without meaning to, and being ashamed because I've acted like an ass in front of the friends I do have.
The Bar Exam is just plain evil, I tell you. If you're reading this and you have a family member or a friend preparing to take the Bar, you can help them, or at least not add to their stress level, with a few simple rules:
- Don't ask the bar-taker to make any decisions, including what's for dinner. Their brain hurts.
- Plan on spending time with other friends, and don't make the bar-taker feel bad about not going somewhere or doing something.
- Try to minimize interruptions.
- Be supportive. If they just feel like venting, let them. Don't try to solve their problems; Just BE THERE.
- Also, don't reassure them that they will be fine and that they will pass. If they don't, they will feel worse because they will feel like they disappointed you.
- If they act like an ass or erratically, cut them some slack. Ask if you can help them in any way.
- Don't ask them a ton of questions about the Bar Exam or about law, unless they've asked for your help to memorize stuff.
- Don't try to engage their attention to learning about something that isn't law/bar exam related. They have a lot to learn as it is.
- Don't try to get them to watch TV or movies with you. Most bar-takers will be in a commercial course and most courses require the viewing of several hours of boring videos each day. They will be sick of watching videos for a while. Maybe play a video game, get some exercise, or do something other than sitting and watching something.
- If they freak out; if they constantly message you, do or say something offensive, or cause you to freak out, stay calm, cut them some slack and realize they may not be aware that they are acting unreasonably so don't assume they do. They may just want to vent or talk to someone. If you can help in this way, great. If not, then either suggest a time you would be available or let them know that they are causing you angst and you can't help them at the moment, but do this clearly and kindly.
- Expect that the bar-taker will take EVERYTHING personally, so understand your actions may be misinterpreted. Try not to think anything personally that the bar-taker says, though. Their mind is jumbled and they again may not realize what they said.
- Encourage them and tell them you think they are awesome.
- Don't expect your bar-taker to pick up on social cues or take hints. Be upfront with them; they'll appreciate it in the long run.
- It is inevitable that the bar-taker may alienate or push away some friends, but try not to be one of them.
- Offer to help around the house, by cooking, shopping, running errands.
- Don't demand too much of their time or their attention.
- Give them something to look forward to after the exam.
- Be there to reassure them that they did the best they could when they get out of the exam. Chances are, they will feel devastated and certain they failed.
- Help them accept that it's over and not to worry about it until the results come out.
- Go have fun and let loose with your bar-taker friend. They need it.
Friday, September 3, 2010
The Day I've Been Dreading, Part I
Today was one of those Days People Dread. Last week, I knew it would be here much sooner than I'd hoped, but it couldn't have picked a worse time. I'm in my 3rd year of law school & far enough along that if I withdrew, I'd lose my financial assistance & not get a refund on my tuition. I'm depending on my financial aid to live on & pay my bills because I'm not working & my husband was laid off in June. I was late paying my phone bill on top of that, so it was cut off most of yesterday & this morning.
Before noon, I got the ominous, urgent email from my brother to call him right away about our Mom. Naturally, both he & my mother's caretaker tried to call me, but couldn't get me until around noon today. Thanks for your prompt reconnection of my line, AT&T. An hour, my ass.
Well, my mother is back in the hospital now and she's not doing well. It's a matter of time & that time is very short. From what I could gather, they have her on life support pending the arrival of family members because the caretaker is not authorized to make any decisions that we will need to make.
My brother is probably there now as he got on a plane today. I'm stuck here because I have $1.19 to my name until tomorrow when I will be getting my financial aid. Of course, by that time, it may well be too late to see her before she's gone. You can't even imagine how bad I feel right now. I can't be where I should be & I wonder if my Mom has wondered why I'm not there with her.
At least when my Dad passed, I was young enough not to have to worry about how I will get there or the financial implications of his passing or handling many of the administrative matters that I will be dealing with now. I guess no one picks a 'convenient' time to die for the ones left behind. I just realize how strong my mother was to be able to take care of things that had to be done when my Dad passed.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Before noon, I got the ominous, urgent email from my brother to call him right away about our Mom. Naturally, both he & my mother's caretaker tried to call me, but couldn't get me until around noon today. Thanks for your prompt reconnection of my line, AT&T. An hour, my ass.
Well, my mother is back in the hospital now and she's not doing well. It's a matter of time & that time is very short. From what I could gather, they have her on life support pending the arrival of family members because the caretaker is not authorized to make any decisions that we will need to make.
My brother is probably there now as he got on a plane today. I'm stuck here because I have $1.19 to my name until tomorrow when I will be getting my financial aid. Of course, by that time, it may well be too late to see her before she's gone. You can't even imagine how bad I feel right now. I can't be where I should be & I wonder if my Mom has wondered why I'm not there with her.
At least when my Dad passed, I was young enough not to have to worry about how I will get there or the financial implications of his passing or handling many of the administrative matters that I will be dealing with now. I guess no one picks a 'convenient' time to die for the ones left behind. I just realize how strong my mother was to be able to take care of things that had to be done when my Dad passed.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
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